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Nanny state forever

October 12, 2011 - Wes Burns
Ever hear the term "Nanny State?"

Usually you hear it applied to such government intrusions into our personal lives such as health care, traffic lights, and the acceptable level of cadmium in children's toys (not too much, but enough to get the flavor).

Most of the time you see it written on a placard somewhere; often accompanied with a picture of Hitler or the President or dollar signs or whatever the allegedly volatile image of the day may be.

People like to think that the government is, in between hiding aliens and secretly controlling the world's financial markets, going out of their way to make sure we are treated like children.

Before you assume that our government is somehow mistreating us, have you ever considered that maybe we really DO act like children?

BEHOLD! The Forever Lazy!

Go ahead, click the link.

That's right, footie pajamas for adults.

Oblivious to the hilarity of their own product the good people at You've Got to be Kidding Me Inc. feel that, despite the deep market saturation of the Snuggie, and the Slanket, there was still room in the market place for one more amorphous blob of fleece designed to make you feel better about not showering.

Sure, a lot of people make clothing designed for the perpetually unemployed, what makes the Forever Lazy so special?

This particular piece of development arresting attire comes with a unique feature to assist the wearer in the only task they will accomplish all day. And I'll take this text verbatim from the site: Has Zippered Hatches in Front and Back, for Great Escapes When Duty Calls!

Incessant capitalization aside, they just throw that statement at the end of a bullet list touting such normal features as "Comes in three stylish colors" and "Made with 100% anti-pill polar fleece!"

No, I didn't look up what "Anti-pill fleece" is and I'm not going to.

And "Great Escapes?" You aren't Steve McQueen blazing down a German highway on a motorcycle, you are someone probably too lazy to change your Netflix queue to actually watch "The Great Escape" and instead are watching yet another marathon of "Cupcake Wars."

Cupcakes don't start wars, they end them.

Feel like losing your faith in humanity? Try the "Testimonials" section of the site.

WARNING: There is a remarkable amount of casual cursing for a message board for a website about adult footie pajamas.

"I just received my first Uni-Lazy or as we refer to it "the sack" today, and it is so awesome that I immediately ordered another one in Camo!"

Let's skip over the fact that apparently they changed the name of this monstrosity from Uni-Lazy (which sounds like some kind of slacker robot) to Lazy Forever, which is not better.

Camo? As in, camouflage? Are you hunting in this thing? "Hey John, get your rifle, we're heading out to the field!" "Sure thing guys, just let me get my footie pajamas on and we'll go!"

And no one should ever refer to an article of their own clothing as "the sack."

So, maybe we DO deserve a Nanny State. But if we must have a Nanny State, can Senator Mom and Congressman Dad step in and regulate products like this? Otherwise the next step is rubber nipples on beer bottles; and I shudder to think of that ad campaign.


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