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Wedding Season PART 2

August 22, 2008 - Wes Burns
Last time on "A Stranger's Opinion":

"I need to have a story to tell at my friend's wedding, but which one?" "Whatever am I to do?"

And now, the thrilling conclusion.

Faithful Strangers: now is the time! Below are the two options for embarrassing stories to tell at my friend Matt's wedding. Vote for which ever one you like; if you think it will make a good wedding story or just something that sounds like it would create deafening silence in a reception hall.


Matt and I are at a Chinese buffet here in Marshalltown. And not the buffet you're thinking of, the buffet that no longer exists. Like so many Chinese buffet restaurants this one went to the wayside after a none too long duration.

It should have been patently obvious that this place wasn't going to last. Matt and I walked in to the place about an hour before it closed, only to be greeted with the fact that we are the only to people in the restaurant. It's just us, the older woman working the register and a full slate of servers angry at our very presence.

At the time we consider this a good thing. Less people, less crowding, more egg rolls. If you ever find yourself in the situation where you're going to eat and entertaining the notion of a Chinese buffet an hour before close please select something else. An hour before close is not really the buffet's "A game".

Dining on cold chicken tempura and pot stickers had been a bit of a disappointment. On the other hand there was zero disappointment with our waitress. I did not learn her name, as she was one of the people angry with our presence and all, but she was courteous and cute. Very cute.

Outside of the woman he's about to marry Matt has problems dealing with exceptionally attractive woman. This waitress was no different. Despite his natural inclination to make a fool of himself around woman Matt had held it together that evening. Our waitress gave us our check and, seeing that they had stopped replacing the crab rangoons, we got up to leave.

Then it came off the rails. We only had about 90 feet to cover until we made it to the exit. Somewhere around the 20 foot mark I made a joke. I don't remember what it was but it was something mildly amusing. Mildly. Matt thought it was funny. Have you ever laughed, just a little, and then something else happens?

I believe the most old-world way to describe the event was "breaking wind". Normally this would not be an issue unless you happen to be in a vacate, echo chamber of a restaurant. Before taking another step Matt looks up quickly for confirmation: the cute waitress had witnessed the entire thing. Matt, quickly understanding the situation, remedied it in a way only conceivable in his mind. With a curt heel turn Matt promptly walks back to out table, reaches in his pocket, and pulls out a couple of bucks.

Hush money. Matt's idea was that if he paid the cute waitress more money than she would be less likely to tell embarrassing stories about him when he isn't around. All in all I think he would have been ahead of the curve to just give me the money.

What? Low battery? Nooooooo! I hope this post makes it up. Check back next Tuesday for the thrilling conclusion! Same Strange time, same Strange page.


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