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Facebook has Ruined the Holiday

March 25, 2008 - Wes Burns
I don't think you, my fortuitous readers, have any problem recognizing Facebook but for those of you that may have stumbled upon this blog in an attempt to find a better Apple Brown Betty recipe I shall summarize.

Facebook is a social networking group. This means that you and your friends all get online and put in your information about where you're living, who you're dating, and pictures of you that frankly you would rather have burnt but instead placed on the Internet. You then leave messages for each other on each other's pages and then leave pictures responding to the messages and then check to see if your friend liked your picture and somewhere in this long list I find the resolve to not murder myself.

So this entire network exists to keep us up to date on the mundane information of the incidental people that crossed our paths. A huge network dedicated to digitizing small talk.

Last weekend was Easter. While not the most popular of holidays for traveling home (Thanksgiving is an annual unofficial class reunion) Easter still provides a chance to see some old faces and share some new stories. That is it did until Facebook reminded me that I have been kept up to date on the minutia of these people's lives.

This was cause for a brief depression. I had lost that moment where you meet eyes with an old acquaintance after many months or perhaps years have passed. Maybe you left on bad terms and the time since has given you perspective. Maybe you last left confiding in one another, after many long hours, that you each share an irrational interest in bad sitcoms starring failed musicians; and that the time since last is evaporated by only a wink in their direction. Losing this made me feel like I had lost a little piece of my social life, only to have it replaced by a cold digital facsimile.

That is until I realized that people didn't really seem to care that I already knew what was going on. As they would explain what they had been doing since we last met I would repeatedly interject “oh yeah, I saw that on your Facebook page. Did you read any good books lately”? This did not matter. They would continue, as if reading aloud the text to Hell's Film Strip of Small Talk, with each slide change being noted only by the banging of my head.

If you have yet to fall prey to the lure of the social network sites then feel free to openly discuss the events of your life to those of us who are the sight for your sore eyes. If you're going to spend eight hours a day working on your Facebook page don't expect people to have a lot of questions for you - you already gave us the answers.


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