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Wanna See a Magic Trick?

October 23, 2008 - Wes Burns
Anybody want to guess the quote?

To the three people reading this blog that don't get it (not the other three people that do) this is a quote from The Joker in "Dark Knight Returns". I have blogged before about my irrational love of this movie (see: Midnight Madness). I stopped counting how many times I saw it in the theater after the 6th. I'm a big fan.

Yet my beloved Dark Knight has become my cause for dread as of late. In a little over a week its going to be Halloween. Without fail we shall all be assailed by the most popular costume of this season: the poorly conceived Joker costume.

I'm not talking about the kids. The kids costumes always get a pass. If I see a little kid wearing a towel and a belt around his head I am not going to decry his lack of investment in his costume. I WOULD however applaud his dead-on Quayle Man costume.

The people I'm worried about are the twenty and thirty and, regrettably, the forty somethings that seem to think smearing on some grease paint and akwardly paraphrasing a couple of the late Heath Ledger's lines are going to make your friends jealous and all the girls swoon.

It ain't happening.

You know why Ledger's makeup looked so good being smeared in Dark Knight? Because, on a movie screen, it makes him come across as a socially detached psychopath. When you are a guy in a bar wearing smeared makeup you look like a socially detached loser with an inability to sustain friendships. Also, there at 11 other versions of you in the room.

Don't tell me its not going to happen. These bargain basement Jokers are going to be striding into parties with an undeserved sense of accomplishment and their brunette girlfriend wearing small glasses, claiming its a Sarah Palin costume. Atrocious.

I normally love Halloween. You get to dress up like a freak, nobody cares if you walk down the street with a hot police officer, a murderous doctor, Dr. Tobias Funke from Arrested Development, a giant Hardee's star and Magnum P.I. Who wouldn't love this holiday?

Okay some people still think that it has something to do with voodoo or some other such nonsense but no event is going to be simultaneously supported by the forces of evil and Snickers. Way too satisfying to belong to the dark side.

A lot of college age people will tell you that Halloween has turned into nothing more than a contest amongst women to see who can wear the least amount of clothing in public and avoid arrest. The proponents of this argument are the greatest of all the traitors to our country and deserve the maximum punishment allowed by law. These women have a constitutionally protected right to be in public wearing a costume constructed entirely out of Saran Wrap(tm). I thought this was America?

When you go out this Halloween remember to NOT ENGAGE THE LAME JOKERS IN CONVERSATION. Sorry about all the caps but it needed to be stressed. If you talk to these people directly it is going to ruin the Dark Knight for you. Beyond that enjoy the craziness.

Also-does anyone have a good fake blood recipe? I'm looking for something cheap this is going to stain clothes nice and red.


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