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"Brat with Kraut" Sounds Vaguely Racist

May 2, 2008 - Wes Burns
Living in Iowa can be challenging. People will tell you that the midwest is a great place to grow up, a great place to raise a family, and all in all just a really great place. Great. Clearly these people were having a different experience than I. Iowa can be a hard place for those of us with something to hide. Being that there is no people I trust more than my intrepid readers I'm going to let you in on my terrible secret.

I don't like pork.

Oh, the relief of no longer living a lie! Its true, I just cannot stand pork. Keep away the pepperoni and the brat. Bother me no longer with the bacon and the pork chop. I have no more patience for "the other white meat".

This can really be a problem in Iowa. Attempting to go to a cookout and eat something other than pork is tantamount to going to a vegan rally and having a delicious cut of veal; it just isn't going to happen. Iowans take their pork seriously; tenderloins, barbecue, pork ribs, whatnot. The only thing they take more seriously than their pork is their sense of personal offense when someone refuses to eat pork.

There is a pretty simple 3 step process that happens after first refusal of swine:

Disbelief: "Wait, you DON'T want any hot dogs?" Offense: "Uhh...why not?" Reasoning: "Are you Jewish?"

I was born in Iowa. I was raised in Iowa. I don't like pork and I am not alone.

I know there are more of us out there. More people suffering through some absurdly large tenderloin, wishing the whole time that it was a steak. People who just stay silent when your friends decide to order pepperoni, only to have to pick it off when the pizza arrives. Live in fear no longer my friends! No liking pork doesn't make us bad Iowans; disliking one type of food cannot make you a bad person.

Unless of course you don't like corn. Pork is one thing, but not liking corn is just unAmerican.

 
 

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