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What's our vector, Victor?

May 11, 2012
By Wes Burns , Times-Republican

I've had "Airplane!" on DVD from Netflix for about a year now.

Could I send it back and start getting new movies?


Isn't "Airplane!" available on Netflix streaming?


Then why keep the same disc for months, while hundreds of other good/great/ironically terrible movies wait impatiently in my queue?

Because every time I go to put the disc back in its now faded envelope I?just end up watching "Airplane!"again, and the disc returns to its designated section of my highly organized living room floor.

"Airplane!" is more than just one of the funniest movies ever made and endlessly quotable; evidenced by being in a room with fans of the movie and watching how quickly the conversation devolves into a contest to see who can say "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!" first.

It's me. I always say it first.

The sheer hilarity of watching Kareem Abdul Jabbar yell at a kid for saying he's gold bricking it during the regular season aside, "Airplane!" did something that few other movie has done since; it was a parody movie that was actually funny.

But, like King Arthur, King Lear or Darth Vader "Airplane!" has been betrayed by its children.

My generation doesn't get classic parody movies like "Airplane!", instead we are subjected to the middling likes of the "Scary Movie" series, or worse the works of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the two cinematic war criminals that gave us "Meet the Spartans" and "Vampires Suck."

Thanks guys! Who wants jokes in a movie when you could just reference OTHER movies and have the characters fart a lot. Better start writing those Oscar speeches now!

So why care now?

Because of "The Avengers."

I haven't been able to turn my head without seeing an ad for "The Avengers" for the last three months so I?finally saw it.

It was great; but make sure the person you take knows something about comics or your going to spend a lot of the film saying "No, that guy is Captain America. Yes, he's has super powers. No, I don't know who repairs the buildings after they get blown up."

"The Avengers" heralded the start of blockbuster season.

Blockbuster movies are like whales; big, powerful, and pulling countless parasites in their wake.

So today I here that the movie studio of "eh, why not" has decided that the cultural climate is right to release yet another round of half baked parodies with titles that show just how little they think of their audience.


Friedberg and Seltzer are releasing "The Starving Games" later this year. After that is "Scary Movie 5," which is a direct parody of that horror movie classic "Black Swan."

Now, where did I leave that copy of "Airplane!"?


Copy Editor Wes Burns is a Friday columnist. The views expressed in this column are personal views of the writer and don't necessarily reflect the views of the T-R. Contact Wes Burns at 641-753-6611 or



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