Just how many times are we going to have to sit through predictions of the Apocalypse?
I'm not talking about the zeitgeist doomsayers; the people that got into predicting the end of all human life because it was popular for a while. These were the people that were all about the Mayan apocalypse back in 2012, then forgot about it after they discovered Candy Crush.
I'm talking about the "how did you guys get on national TV?" kind of doomsaying that is taking place over at the vanguard of objective journalism that is FOX News.
Recently FOX journalist Neil Cavuto dedicated a segment on his program to discussing whether or not any military action by the United States in Syria would be the fulfillment of a prophecy of the Old Testament, heralding the end times.
That is some top-level doomsaying.
Somebody on FOX saying the world is going to end isn't outside the norm; usually when they say "the world" they mean "The United States" and when they say "end" they mean "have a slight cultural shift away from their preconceived notions of what it means to be an American."
So FOX has been fertile ground for doomsaying for a while now, but since Glenn Beck moved back to his secret mountain headquarters things have been a little quieter on the "crazy people" front.
Now, I've given up trying to understand why it is that whenever these "scholars" interpret Biblical prophecy it inevitably requires the actions of the United States. It takes a special kind of arrogance to believe that the divine plan of God absolutely hinges on the actions of the people responsible for creating the TV dinner.
What I have yet to understand is that, if you are so worried about the end of humanity itself, why not tackle a problem that requires no interpretation or frightening religious nationalism: nuclear weapons, the weapons of the future.
It says a lot about people that they are able to live in fear of total annihilation for the majority of the 20th century, then simply forget about it within the span of 30 years.
Nukes. Good, old fashion, fresh from the oven nuclear holocaust, just like they used to be afraid of on "Mad Men."
Yes, we still have them. Thousands upon thousands of them, more than enough to destroy every living thing on the Earth, still sitting around waiting to not be used.
Nuclear power was supposed to be the wave of the future. Atomic powered cars, space ships, jet packs; all working in tandem to usher in the greatest technological revolution since the Industrial Age.
Then we found out that nuclear power was actually more than we, or anyone, could handle.
So instead of the Atomic Age we got the Information Age, which is why you don't glow green at night and why you're probably reading this column on a computer screen right now.
All things being equal the Information Age is turning out alright; I can always stay in contact with my friends and family, I?can enjoy art and culture from around the world and I never have to say "who was that guy from that one movie?" so long as I have IMDB.
So the Information Age might be less impactful to the pillars of civilization as a whole but at least it's less destructive than the Atomic Age, right?
Sure it is. But guess what? The Atomic Age never ended!
You can't just invent a the delivery system for total annihilation and then pretend like it never happened. I tried to do something similar with my student loan payments and it turns out that, even if you never open their envelopes, you still owe them the money.
Doomsayers, why don't you focus on the tens of thousands of doom bringing nuclear missiles instead of conjecturing about prophecies that invariably end with you saying "I don't know ... but maybe?"
You know who the only people talking about Atomic weapons these days are? Sister Megan Rice, 82 and a Roman Catholic nun of the Society of the Holy Child Jesus, who was arrested last year for sneaking onto a nuclear weapons storage facility to protest the United States continued involvement in creating weapons of mass destruction ... and Dennis Rodman.
Yeah, the Worm. He's been back over to see his new BFF Kim Jong Un in North Korea ... a country that still has nuclear weapons, still tests their nuclear weapons and occasionally likes to talk about using their nuclear weapons on people like the Japanese, and us.
Now, I trust Sister Rice to do good work and if Rodman screws things up over there he can probably just smooth things over with a slam dunk contest; but we've got to get some more people on the case.
Doomsayers, leave the Syria mess to cooler heads, realize that God loves people and not countries and focus on something that you claim to be interested in: The end of the world.
Copy Editor Wes Burns is a Sunday columnist. The views expressed in this column are personal views of the writer and don't necessarily reflect the views of the T-R. Contact Wes Burns at 641-753-6611 or firstname.lastname@example.org.