I might have to start eating my cereal using a spatula as a spoon. Or cutting my chicken with a karate chop from my hand instead of a with a fork.
You see almost daily silverware is missing from the drawer in the kitchen and a 20-month-old boy in our household is the prime suspect.
This is his newest fascination - especially with the forks and spoons.
He'll grab handfuls and take off with them. Sometimes he'll hide them and sometimes he'll just stockpile them on a couch or chair. It took us a couple of days before we realized there were eight utensils underneath our coffee table last week.
What can be even more amusing is his method of putting the utensils back into the drawer. He isn't tall enough to see there is actually a place for the forks, a place for the spoons and so on. So he tosses them back in and the drawer looks like it just got done shaking in an earthquake.
I'm not totally sure the appeal of silverware to him. Maybe it's the sound they make, or he's just proud that he's tall enough that he can reach that drawer now.
He also sees adults using them so they might be something he wants to play with to make himself feel bigger.
Playing with silverware that has pokey edges isn't the ideal toy we would want for our little man. I guess we hope he's at the stage where he won't poke his eye out with one of them. He did wipe out on the floor Monday morning while walking with a pair of forks but he was OK.
Later in the day, I noticed a trail of forks leading from the kitchen to the bathroom. It beats me why he is so fascinated with the utensils and why he has plenty of places to store them.
I guess I have to wait out this phase too and get by with less silverware in the drawer.
So if you see me eating peas with a measuring spoon - don't judge. We all have to make do with what we can with a silverware thief on the loose in our house.
Reporter Andrew Potter is a Tuesday columnist for the Times-Republican. The views expressed in this column are personal views of the writer and don't necessarily reflect the views of the T-R. Contact Andrew Potter at 641-753-6611 or email@example.com