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Quit hoarding toilet paper

In my experience people generally do better when they know what lays before them. Unfortunately, we haven’t heard much from our leaders lately. Chuck Grassley did advise us to listen to experts, not politicians, regarding the pandemic. Too bad he left out the part about politicians listening to experts.

Now I’m not an infectious disease expert, but I do have experience with toilet paper. Here are some thoughts that address that shortage. I’ve tried to list them in a logical sequence.

After you run out of toilet paper switch to Kleenex, preferably a kind containing aloe vera. After Kleenex and assuming you have made it to spring you will be out of napkins and paper towels, but there will be leaves. Stay away from the irritating varieties. If leaves don’t suit you there will be pages from telephone and other books. Don’t forget junk mail and some of you may even be able to find corn cobs, though they aren’t as plentiful as they once were. Warning, after Kleenex you may experience flushing issues.

Seriously folks, get a grip and stop stockpiling toilet paper. It’s embarrassing to have to compulsively wash hands and slather on hand sanitizer because people can’t buy toilet paper. Hopefully the next time someone approaches you with the old joke “what hand do you wipe your bottom with?” you’ll be able to reply “neither I use toilet paper.”

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