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Tax dollars and sports cars

January 6, 2013 - Wes Burns
So, remember how the country is broke? And with the “Fiscal Cliff” nonsense behind us and the “Debt Ceiling” nonsense just around the corner it doesn't seem like there is going to be any new money coming in for a while now.

A lot of people are talking about the tax rates. A lot of people are talking about cutting government spending. Nobody is talking about buying less Camaros.

You see, we (read: United States) have this spy plane called a U-2. And aside from flying really fast, taking super-secret spy photos and confusing music fans on Google Image Search the U-2 is incredibly hard to land.

Very hard.

Harder than most planes.

Harder than trying to land on the air craft carrier in the NES version of “Top Gun,” which, of course, was impossible.

Apparently the U-2 has some gigantic wings, which make it a little hard for the pilot to land properly. So, some researchers from the Air Force's “Awesome Squad!” came up with the idea of sending a chase car down the runway as the U-2 lands. And, if you're going to chase down a multimillion dollar aircraft in a sport car, why not a Camaro?

So the U-2 plane is so fast and wide that we have to send a trained pilot screaming down the runway to guide it down, all while listening to 80s hair-metal, I assume?

Does anyone ever think stuff like this is why we're out of money? Sports cars and spy planes and generally burning through cash like we were remaking “Bullitt.?”

Well, at least not everyone in government is spending money like there's no tomorrow.

Meet Florida Governor Rick Scott. Gov. Scott had a problem; there were too many Burmese pythons in the Everglades. This is what happens when you give someone a Burmese python as a pet; they eventually lose it and it becomes Gov. Scott's problem.

Not wanting to spend state money on cleaning up Burmese pythons, or pretty much anything else, Gov. Scott called for a more “market-force” approach.

What does that mean? That means a month-long, all you can kill, python smashing fest that people PAY to be a part of. Will it work? Probably not. Will people get hurt? Almost certainly. But,, hey, it didn't cost a lot of money.

So I think the Air Force needs to take a page from Gov. Scott's playbook. Instead of buying new Camaros every ten years just let people pay you for the privilege of driving their own Camaro next to a real U-2 spy plane.

And if that doesn't work you can always just downgrade the car … I'm thinking el Camino.



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