Shakespeare once said: What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
I know that, technically, Juliet said it. But she isn't real; plus, I like to picture Shakespeare as the kind of guy that would loudly recite his own writing, trudging about his house at night hurling empty bottles into the fire place and generally annoying the neighbors.
But Juliet/Shakespeare/Imaginary Alcoholic Shakespeare has a point. Just how important is a name? For that matter, how important is a word? Sure, we call that delicious brown spice "cinnamon" but would our world be inexorably different if we called it some gibberish word like "torpin" or "churdally" or "blomkamp?"
You know, it might be. I don't think I could start off my day with a hearty bowl of Blomkamp Toast Crunch.
And Shakespeare is proven wrong by breakfast cereal, once again.
Sorry to tell you, Willie Shakes, but the word is important. Very important. In fact they pass that most important of litmus tests; words are worth fighting over.
Now, I'm not talking about some hoary old clich about going to war over words; nor am I talking about some Walter Houston-esque prospector claiming your choice of words indicates a scuffle is to commence, right after long-shotting a spittoon from across the bar.
I'm talking about that most blood thirsty and ruthless of all battles: The All-Austere Blue Blood English Language Throwdown! 2012 HD Remix edition!
In one corner we have the old guard dictionary powerhouse Merriam Webster. The premiere league lexicographers at Merriam-Webster (a place I imagine smells of wig powder and silent racism) have been telling us what words are actually words and what words are "gutter speak" for 500 years. I totally fact checked that statement, you can bring it up in conversation later, free of repercussion.
In the other corner we have The American Dialect Society, which I'm pretty sure is a cover group for some kind of James Bond villain. American Dialect Society? That sounds WAY too benign to be real; these guys are hiding a laser in a mountain somewhere.
And in the um THIRD corner we have the Global Language Monitor, which I assume is some kind of super computer.
All three of these fierce warriors of the word are fighting for the same prize: The title of Word of the Year.
You see, each of these venerable groups, plus Google, put out a list around this time of year where they pick a word they feel best describes the year as a whole. With such venerable institutions such as Merriam Webster and Global Language Bot 3000 you can imagine that the words succinctly sum up the year at large.
Merriam-Webster's word of the year for 2012? Socialism and Capitalism.
OK, so right out of the gate you guys are falling behind. You have two words for your "WORD of the year" entry and the two words you picked seem to have been randomly pulled out of a freshmen civics class. I'd imagine in a year full of natural and man-made disasters a lot of people didn't really care about either, more so they just wanted their power back, or to not drown.
Alright, Merriam-Webster has only been at this since 2003 and I'm certain those tea-sippers look down upon the Internet with the same disdain they feel for what they still call the horseless carriage.
How about the American Dialect Society? They've been picking a "Word of the Year" since 1990 so they have to be well ready for action. And the American Dialect Society's pick for "Word of the Year?"
What? They don't announce it until the middle of January? Who waits until the next year to write the year in the review? Do they think some amazing word is going to come along on Dec. 29 and blow away the prospective title holder "Boo-Boo?"
The Global Language and Target Neutralization Robot has chosen "Apocalypse" as its "Word of the Year," in a move that should terrify no one.
And what of the latest contender for "Word of the Year" kingmaker status, the good folks at Google? Their "Most Searched Word" cuts through the byzantine selection process of dictionary committees and killer robots and replaces it with some good old fashioned math.
The number one most searched word in 2012? Facebook. Oh, and number three is Yahoo.
People go to Google and search for Yahoo.
You know what? Global Language Murder Bot is right, Apocalypse is the Word of the Year. Which means I can already tell you the 2013 Word of the Year: Goodbye.
Copy Editor Wes Burns is a Sunday columnist. The views expressed in this column are personal views of the writer and don't necessarily reflect the views of the T-R. Contact Wes Burns at 641-753-6611 or firstname.lastname@example.org.