It was only a scant 13 months ago that I and many others spent our Sunday nights silently watching the great American drama that is “Breaking Bad” and loudly shushing any and all that dared to create a noise during the episode.

Are you constantly on your phone? Do you ask foolish questions like “Why is that guy doing that?” Do you chew gum? Are you a gum chewer?!

If the answer to any of these questions is “yes” then you and I would never have watched “Breaking Bad” together.

So when the show went off the air in late September of last year I, naturally, was bummed.

But my … bummedness(?) … was alleviated when I heard that AMC was going to be making a prequel following the exploits of criminal defense lawyer/actual criminal Saul Goodman called “Better Call Saul.”

Alas, I quickly returned to my … I?want to say “state of bummification” … when I heard the show will not air until sometime in 2015, which realistically means sometime in 2016 or 17.

But my roller coaster ride of emotion soon reached another peak when I read that Univision, the spanish language television channel that isn’t Telemundo, was going to create their own version of “Breaking Bad” set in Colombia.

Wooo! Spanish language “Breaking Bad!” How could that NOT be awesome? Obviously it was going to take Univision a while to get their first season ready, so I’ve waited patiently since last September to hear about the premiere.

Turns out, I missed it.

Not just the premiere, I missed the entire series.

See, Univision isn’t just home to “Sabado Gigante,” a Saturday night variety show that I’m never sure what is happening but often someone wins a car; Univision is home to many dramatic shows called telenovelas.

I, and I’m willing to bet more than a few of you, always thought that telenovelas were simply spanish language soap operas. What other kind of dramatic programming is on five days a week, during the middle of the day, that doesn’t involve a public paternity test?

Turns out that “telenovelas” are really just any kind of dramatic programming and that I?have a limited understanding of TV that doesn’t come from the United States.

So when Univision launched “Metstasis,” the spanish language remake of “Breaking Bad” it was called a telenovela, it was also aired five nights a week, and the entire series run was over in about four months.

So … it’s all over?

I suppose you could try and find it online, but after spending hours between Youtube and Google Translate I have learned that:

1) Google Translate is FAR from perfect.

2) I really should have studied Spanish in high school, and well before high school, and probably after high school too.

3) There needs to be more spanish language remakes of American shows.

The few clips of “Metstasis” that I found looked … OK, they looked a little “community college-esque” in their production value. But I’m willing to chalk that up to Univision cranking out five seasons worth of episodes in under a year on what I’m sure wasn’t even one tenth of “Breaking Bad’s” budget.

Obviously I’m saddened that I won’t soon be able to enjoy the exploits of Walter Blanco (yes, that’s the character’s name) or Jos Miguel Rosas (Jesse Pinkman) but what Univision wanted to do is a good idea, I just don’t think they should stop at “Breaking Bad.”

I say let Univision have at it with the entire catalog of American television, but with one simple caveat: For every good show Univision wants to remake (“The Sopranos,” “Mad Men,” “Veep”) they have to remake two bad shows (“Two and a Half Men,” that terrible remake of “Ironside,” “Viva Laughlin”).

Is “Mulaney” terrible? Absolutely. Would “Mulaney” still be terrible in a spanish language remake? Probably, but I would love to find out for myself.

Listen, I’ve got to watch something until “Better Call Saul” comes on the air or AMC finally speed up the glacial release of new episodes of “Mad Men.” And frankly I can’t think of a better way to learn spanish than by listening to the spanish language version of Frank Underwood gloat about his plans to take over the Colombian government directly into the camera.

I don’t see what could possibly go wrong … unless Univision decides to remake “Homeboys in Outer Space,” then we’ll know we’ve all gone too far.

—

Copy Editor Wes Burns is a Sunday columnist. The views expressed in this column are personal views of the writer and don’t necessarily reflect the views of the T-R. Contact Wes Burns at 641-753-6611 or wburns@timesrepublican.com.