When saying No, most people don’t think about it being a positive thing. It doesn’t have to be a negative thing. Saying No can be positive. If you think of it as being a positive thing it might be easier to say when needed. Saying No has a tremendous effect on our mental health, as it allows us to value ourselves more.

Saying No means you value your time. It’s the best tool you have for distancing yourself from negative people or situations. Saying No can be a brave act. No can be difficult to say without hedging or including an explanation. You might say, “I’ll have to think about it…” or “I’m not sure, maybe…” These phrases not only confuse others (is that a yes or no?), but also dilute your own certainty about what you want.

Consider each time you say No, without a hedge or explanation, to be a brave act of self-respect. Saying No means you know what you want. Rather than immediately responding to a question or a request, take time to ask yourself, “What do I really want?”

Sometimes, for various reasons, we have to do things we don’t want to do. But if you find yourself consistently saying yes even when you don’t want to, you should consider your own needs. You may build up resentment, which can damage relationships.

Saying No means standing your ground. Some people won’t take no for an answer. They’ll urge you, cajole you, and come up with all kinds of creative solutions to make you say yes. These people are a challenge when you’re trying to make your life a more positive, productive place. When encountering won’t-take-no types, stand your ground and repeat your initial response. If you find yourself wavering, recall the reasons you chose to say no in the first place and consider how good you’ll feel if you remain true to yourself.

You’ll find this fortitude carries over into other areas of your life. Saying No is sometimes saying yes. Every time you say No to one thing, you’re saying yes to something else. No means freeing up your time (and, in some cases, your emotional bandwidth) to engage in other, perhaps more positive, activities.

Saying no can create more mental health stability by helping with self-care and build your self-esteem and confidence by setting boundaries.

While working on saying No and setting boundaries, the act of saying No can actually be a form of self-care for some individuals. In addition to saying No, you may also want to incorporate additional self-care activities. Saying No to certain things can be an act of self-care by creating time or energy for things that help you feel better about yourself, your relationships, or your overall experience in this world.

For instance, by saying no to an invitation (even if it is something you want to do) when you are stretched thin, you give yourself the opportunity to have more energy and less stress for the next activity on your schedule or for your important relationships.

Saying No is fundamental — absolutely necessary if you:

• Like to have even a say in what happens in your life

• Want to maintain a healthy value of self-worth;

• Don’t want to spend your life overwhelmed;

• Want to thrive instead of just surviving.

Then making the art of saying no a part of your personality is essential. Practice the positive of saying no.

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Becky Brown and Deb Williams are the cofounders

of Together We Can, a mental health peer support

nonprofit based in Marshalltown.