On the surface, perfectionism may seem harmless. After all, most of us strive to be our best every day. In reality however, perfectionism can become a desire to avoid mistakes, errors, and failures that–let’s be honest–are common in life. While not a psychological disorder in itself, perfectionism is linked to many mental health issues.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, perfectionism may be hard-wired in your system. Moreover, this inborn trait appears to influence the way an individual sees the world.

Perfectionists tend to demonstrate a “fixed” mindset, rather than a “growth” mindset. People with growth mindsets believe in their ability to learn and grow over time. As a result, they find it easier to weather setbacks. Failure isn’t tied to their sense of self-worth. Individuals with fixed mindsets, on the other hand, believe people are born with natural talents and abilities. These individuals set exceedingly high standards and strive to avoid failure at all costs. Failure can therefore shake up how they see themselves.

Perfectionism is driven primarily by internal pressures, such as the desire to avoid failure or harsh judgment. There is likely a social component as well, because perfectionistic tendencies have increased substantially among young people over the past 30 years, regardless of gender or culture. Greater academic and professional competition is thought to play a role, along with the pervasive presence of social media and the harmful social comparisons it elicits.

Perfectionists set unrealistically high expectations for themselves and others. They are quick to find fault and overly critical of mistakes. They tend to procrastinate a project out of their fear of failure. They shrug off compliments and forget to celebrate their success. Instead, they look to specific people in their life for approval and validation.

Perfection manifests itself in three domains. Self-oriented perfectionism is imposing an unrealistic desire to be perfect on oneself. Other-oriented perfectionism means imposing unrealistic standards of perfection on others. Socially-prescribed perfectionism involves perceiving unrealistic expectations of perfection from others.

Perfection, of course, is an abstraction, an impossibility in reality. When taken too far, the striving for perfection can lead to negative outcomes, like procrastination, a tendency to avoid challenges, rigid all-or-nothing thinking, toxic comparisons, and a lack of creativity. Maladaptive perfectionism is often driven by fear of failure, feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and adverse childhood experiences.

There is a difference between striving for excellence and demanding perfection. Adaptive or positive perfectionists set lofty goals, have high standards, and work relentlessly hard for their success; they are achievement-oriented, whereas maladaptive perfectionists are failure-oriented. Adaptive perfectionists desire growth, enjoy being challenged, and problem-solve well. Their perfectionistic tendencies are a strength, not a weakness.

We often think that our expectations will motivate us to work harder and that we are simply being realistic about what needs to be done. But could it be that your perfectionism adds to your stress, makes you anxious about taking on new challenges, and leads you to criticize yourself? I have seen many perfectionists who ruminate about their past “shortcomings” and seldom give themselves credit for the positives that they do. As a result, they fear “failure” so much that they won’t risk trying something new and challenging. Successful people build their success on cumulative experiences of failure that they learn from.

We often dwell on our mistakes, going over and over in our minds how stupid we were, regretting things that we cannot change. But if mistakes are inevitable at times, why not learn from them. Ask yourself now–and be honest with yourself–which mistakes have you made in the past led you to learn something new? Try to think about mistakes as learning experiences, as potential growth, as a lesson learned. That’s a lot less depressing than thinking that a mistake proves that you are a failure.

Keep in mind that making progress not perfection holds true in all areas of your life.

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Becky Brown and Deb Williams

are the cofounders of Together We Can,

a mental health nonprofit based in Marshalltown.