Have you ever lost your temper at … yourself? Blamed and then beat yourself up a little inside for doing something you regret?

Maybe you’ve been harsh with someone, only to be much harsher with yourself later?

It’s easy to be tough on yourself — we tend to do it much more than we realize. But what if there was a better way? When we forgive ourselves, accept our perceived flaws, and show ourselves kindness, we practice self-compassion. It’s often a lot harder than it sounds, but with the right techniques, we can learn to make it a habit that sticks.

Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness, support, and understanding you would offer a friend during times of suffering or failure. It involves three main components: self-kindness, recognizing and comforting yourself during pain; common humanity, understanding that suffering and personal imperfection are shared human experiences, not isolating failures; and mindfulness, observing your pain without judgment to avoid over-identifying with it or suppressing it. Cultivating self-compassion can improve mental well-being, reduce anxiety and depression, and foster resilience and motivation for self-improvement.

Practicing affirmations can be useful if you’re hoping to replace the negative self-talk with more self-kindness. Our (often habitual) tendencies to blame, criticize, or put ourselves down can’t be changed unless we try to catch ourselves in the act, and only then can we reframe them.

Replacing negative automatic thoughts with self-compassionate internal dialogue helps us deal with our Inner Critic, replacing it with empathetic self-directed talk.

We can think of these more like the actual ‘content’ of self-compassion. It’s as easy as replacing your negative self-talk with mindful recognition of your feelings and giving yourself a caring, loving response rather than self-criticizing.

Here are some self-compassion affirmations to practice if you’re a believer in the power of affirmations. Use them to replace self-criticism and remind yourself to be kind to Number One: -I accept the best and worst aspects of who I am. -Changing is never simple but it’s easier if I stop being hard on myself. -My mistakes just show that I’m growing and learning. -I am free to let go of others’ judgments. -It’s safe for me to show kindness to myself. – I deserve compassion, tenderness, and empathy from myself. -I release myself with forgiveness from today and move forward with self-love to tomorrow. -Every day is a new opportunity. I won’t let self-doubt or judgment hold me back from the future. -I forgive myself and accept my flaws because nobody is perfect. -I’m not the first person to have felt this way, and I won’t be the last, but I’m growing.

Some benefits of self-compassion are improved mental health, by reducing feelings of anxiety and depression, increased resilience, helps in coping with adversity and adapting to challenges, better relationships, promotes healthier interactions with others and greater social connectedness, enhanced motivation, fosters a healthy desire for self-improvement and well-being, rather than a fear-based motivation, and greater life satisfaction, by leading to a more contented and fulfilled life.

If you would like help with self-affirmations to help with your self-compassion, stop in at Together We Can located at 8 West Church Street, or call (515) 391-3233 and talk to Deb and/or Becky. We would be glad to help you come up with some affirmations or help you practice with ones you already have.

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Becky Brown and Deb Williams are the cofounders of Together We Can, a mental health nonprofit based in Marshalltown.