Escape.

That was the only way one central Iowa family was going to get out of a domestic abuse situation at home, but that process can be difficult and fraught with danger.

“We worked with a family where the dad was the offender and mom was fleeing the situation and working on filing a protective order,” said Anasia Sturdivant of Adult Care Center Extending Shelter and Support (ACCESS).

She said the mother and children were all being abused in this case, and despite a protective order, the father was still granted visiting hours with the children.

“The kids were scared to go, but they wouldn’t tell because they were scared,” she said. That was, until one of the children revealed to a school counselor why they were scared of seeing their father. “It’s the younger kid who told the counselor, just kind of blurted it out.”

Sturdivant said after the child raised their voice, ACCESS was able to get involved and provide services to the family. She said this kind of situation is all too common in central Iowa and children are often the key to interventions.

ACCESS is one of several agencies and organizations to deal with domestic abuse cases. It covers five counties, including Marshall, Story and Tama counties.

Sturdivant, a domestic abuse youth coordinator, said children may react like in the case above, by telling trustworthy adults about the abuse.

But things don’t always work out that way.

“A lot of times what we see with young kids — they’re not toddlers anymore but they’re in grade school – is kind of the whole ‘I win’ attitude,” she said.

Sturdivant said the “I win” attitude may show up as a child siding with the abusive parent or adult in the home because they are perceived as stronger or correct in a given matter.

Alternatively, she said other children may sympathize with the non-offending parent.

In their teenage years, Sturdivant said children are generally more likely to defend the parent being abused, even physically.

“They step in a lot and try to help out,” she said. However, that willingness to intervene can lead to a fight and the child may end up in the emergency room with injuries.

Another, longer-lasting impact growing up in a household of domestic violence is that children can begin exhibiting abuser- or victim-like mentalities in their own relationships.

“A lot of them don’t see anything wrong with their behaviors and that’s because they see it at home,” Sturdivant said. “I’ve had kids in the classroom say stuff like ‘You know, they call me stupid all the time, but they don’t mean it,’ … a lot of them normalize the behaviors.”

She said she sees this sort of relationship develop early on in a child’s maturation, as early as middle school.

Another local entity that can help children in a domestic abuse situation is Child Abuse Prevention Services (CAPS). Associate Director Nikki Hartwig said the agency has a short-term option for kids coming from a home of domestic violence.

Temporary escape

A child can be put temporarily into the home of a CAPS in-home child care provider.

“The maximum length of stay for a parent who wishes to place a child is 72 hours,” Hartwig said. “It essentially would be just like they’re in a day care setting … they really are just kind of integrated into that family’s life for that time period.”

While most such placements are made by non-offending parents, Hartwig said police can request a placement for a child as well. The maximum stay for a child placed in CAPS child care because of police intervention is 24 hours.

“Typically, DHS (Iowa Department of Human Services) is going to get involved, so we’re just providing a safe, temporary environment for the child until DHS can get involved,” Hartwig said.

She said CAPS staff may refer the child’s caretakers to other agencies for support, a major one being ACCESS.

When DHS does get involved, spokesman Matt Highland said the agency uses the “Safe and Together” model of practice.

“The purpose of Safe and Together is to focus on keeping children safe and together with the non-offending parent, engaging the non-offending parent and intervening with the perpetrator of the violence in order to reduce future risk of harm to the child,” he said.

Highland said DHS staff then focus on seeing if there is a pattern of domestic violence in the household.

“Staff are trained to approach and address the issue causing the safety concern, which is the perpetrator’s behavior, instead of blaming the non-offending parent of the domestic violence,” he said.

DHS social workers also work with the child in the areas of physical, emotional, verbal and psychological abuse, Highland said. Sturdivant said DHS may perform a child abuse assessment at the beginning of a case of domestic violence involving a child.

“If they feel that child abuse was founded, they remove the child,” she said.

A shelter or immediate foster care are often the destination from there.

Giving kids a voice

On the ACCESS side, Sturdivant said children and abuse victims can get shelter, housing, therapy and advocate services.

“One of the main things we do … is the one-on-one advocacy,” Sturdivant said. “We’ll do drawing or coloring or writing poetry to help them get those thoughts out.”

In abuse cases, victims often see health care providers. ACCESS staff explain medical terms to them and encourages victims to share their thoughts and feelings with professionals.

“Letting the kid get a voice is very important – just remembering that they need a voice too and that they also lost power and control in the situation,” Sturdivant said. “Kids always know, it always affects them negatively in some form, whether the parent wants to see it or not.”

For more information on ACCESS, visit https://www.assaultcarecenter.org. For more on Child Abuse Prevention Services, visit www.capsonline.us. For more on the DHS Safe and Together program, visit http://www.dhs.state.or.us/caf/safe-together.html.

The Domestic Violence Crisis Line can be reached at 1-855-983-4641.

Editor’s note: The Times-Republican is committed to showing the impact of domestic violence and highlighting efforts to put an end to it. If you would like to share your story, thoughts about the content or topics related to domestic violence that you would like to see covered — on or off the record — please reach out to T-R News Editor Emily Barske at ebarske@timesrepublican.com or 641-753-6611 ext. 255.

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Contact Adam Sodders at (641) 753-6611 or asodders@timesrepublican.com